Embracing Imperfection: What Horses Know That We Forget
This blog is based on the podcast Come Ride with Me
Season 2: Letting Go of Perfectionism, Episode 5: Embracing Imperfection
For so many women, horses aren’t just a hobby—they’re a lifeline. They’re freedom, when everything else in life feels like responsibility. They’re joy, when the world feels heavy. They’re the one place we gowhere words don’t have to explain anything. Do you remember when just walking into the barn madeyour shoulders relax. You tack up and finally exhale the day away. That’s what you crave from your riding journey because the horse doesn’t care about your inbox, your laundry pile, or your mile-long list of things you “should” be doing.
What women love about horses isn’t just the beauty or the challenge—it’s the way they make space for something we often forget we’re allowed to feel. But somewhere along the way—whether through formal lessons, competitive pressure, or just the voice in our head—we start bringing the weight of the outside world into the saddle. We start turning this sacred space into yet another place where we expect ourselves to be flawless.
· We overthink.
· We overcorrect.
· We try so hard to do it “right” that we forget why we’re doing it at all.
That’s what perfectionism does: it steals the joy from what was meant to restore us. It’s why I created the “Letting Go of Perfectionism” series on Come Ride with Me. Because the problem isn’t that we care too much—it’s that we care so deeply, we forget to be kind to ourselves in the process. We forget to be kind to our horses. We forget to be a friend to our horses. Your horse doesn’t want a perfect rider. They want a present one. And when you learn to ride from that place—not pressure, not performance, but presence—everything starts to shift. So, let’s talk about how to get there.
Here are 4 ways to embrace imperfection in your riding that can also transform how you show up in your life.
1. Be present
2. Drop the FOPO
3. Celebrate small wins
4. Learn from the “Mistakes”
Before you meet your horse for the day, stop and breathe. Look around you. See three things and name them. Hear three sounds and name those too, in your head. Smell the barn smell. Exhale, relax your shoulders. Now, go smell your horse, before you ask them for ANYTHING, thank them for being them. Next, start noticing how your horse reacts to what you do ask. As you practice this, you’ll start to notice differences each day. What do those differences say to you?
When you step into the arena, are you really there? Or are you thinking about the last ride that didn’t go well, the test coming up next weekend, or that one thing your horse always does that drives you nuts? Exhale and lighten your expectations. This is going to be fun, and you are going to learn something new about your horse today. Horses live in the present moment. They don’t hold grudges. They don’t overanalyze. They respond to what’s happening right now. If we want to meet them in that space, we must slow down enough to notice ourselves—our breath, our posture, our thoughts—and return to right here, right now.
In life:
Presence is the antidote to burnout.
It’s what allows you to be calmer, speak more clearly, and rest more deeply.
When you’re present, you’re not reacting—you’re noticing.
The key is noticing without judgment.
Noticing isn’t passive—it’s powerful. When you can observe what’s happening without rushing to label it as “bad” or “wrong,” you keep your nervous system calm, your horse’s trust intact, and learning wide open. Judgment shuts down growth. But awareness? Awareness invites change. Not every ride needs to be an audition. Your horse isn’t grading you and neither should your friends. Horses don’t care if your hands aren’t textbook or your back isn’t straight. They care whether they can trust you. Whether you’re paying attention. Whether they’re safe. Whether or not you are a good partner. Show your horse you are just that. Lugging around the baggage of other people’s opinions doesn’t help us progress. In the words of Michael Gervais, “FOPO—Fear of People’s Opinions—is the silent killer of authenticity and performance. It makes us trade our values for approval and robs us of the freedom to be fully present.”
In life:
How often do we treat relationships like performance reviews?
When we drop the need to look like we have it together, we create room for intimacy, connection, and joy.
You don’t have to prove your worth—you just have to show up as yourself.
It’s easy to miss the good stuff when you’re obsessed with the big picture, but the big picture comes together from the smallest parts. Have you ever seen how a feature length movie is created? It’s not even in order, not in the order we see it on the big screen. If we used our riding logic to create a feature film, it would meander all over the place and miss all of the best moments. Movies are created a little bit at a time. Scenes are run and re-run. They are experimented with, and language is played with and sometimes the best scenes happen accidentally. The great directors allow that to happen; they allow that flow to mess up their plans because they know when they feel a great thing. Can you feel the small things? One breathy sigh from your horse. One soft step. One moment of lightness. These moments are the partnership that create the magical tests or rounds. They’re not detours from success—they’re signs you’re already living it.
In life:
Celebrating small wins rewires your brain to recognize progress.
It builds momentum, confidence, and resilience.
When you acknowledge effort—rather than punishing imperfections—you create a life that feels more possible and more peaceful.
Mistakes aren’t proof that you’re failing. They’re information. And in riding, that feedback loop is where the magic happens—if you’re willing to get curious instead of critical. Can you ask your horse questions? Can you allow an answer? Can you do that without judgement?
Ask yourself:
What is my horse showing me?
What does this tension, or resistance, or sudden spook teach me about what they’re feeling?
Let the ride be a conversation, not a performance. Ask questions. Listen. Make space for your horse to contribute. Horses, just like humans function best when they have agency and autonomy. Can you allow your horse to show you something? If we are constantly trying to hold things together or fix mistakes, we are not FEELING what is really happening. We aren’t feeling what our horses are trying to tell us. When we don’t feel, we go around letting problems happen because we don’t have the space to fix them. Now, we’ve just taught our horse to do a bunch of things we don’t want them to do. Untraining something is almost always harder than training it right the first time—because now you’re not just building a new pattern, you’re unraveling an old one. That’s why compensating for your horse’s crookedness or tension might feel easier in the moment—but over time, you’re building a pattern that’s much harder to unwind. Embracing imperfection early allows clarity to develop without layers of undoing later.
In life:
We’re taught to fear mistakes. But every “wrong turn” can become a pivot point—if you let it.
What if your missteps were just messages?
What if your failures were the beginning of something wiser?
So, here’s your reminder: perfection isn’t the goal—progress is. I once heard a business guru say that the key to success is to fail faster. That stuck with me, because it applies just as much in the arena as it does in business. The faster we’re willing to get messy, make mistakes, and learn—the faster we build real skill, trust, and confidence. Horses aren’t offended by our messiness. That discomfort you feel. That’s FOPO—the Fear of People’s Opinions—trying to keep you small, silent, and polished. But your horse doesn’t want polished. They want present. Ditch the fear, ride through the imperfection, and trust that on the other side of the mess is the partnership you’ve been working for.
