The Art of Getting Out of Your Own Way
When we think of progressing with our horses, the first impulse is often to try harder—give more aids, fix more things, be more correct. But what if that very impulse is the thing holding us back?
On the latest episode of Come Ride with Me, I combined two of my favorite riding experiments—Find the Rhythm and Make It Messy—where I show you how being messy can lead to good things. When we stop trying to make it perfect, we can FEEL from our horses what they need to thrive. We can help them learn better, faster, easier.
Here’s the truth no one talks about enough:
Riding well isn’t about controlling your horse. It’s about getting out of your own way so your horse can show you how they want to move.
My Real-Life Learning Formula
Here’s how I learn to do something with a horse:
Try it – FEEL what happens – Wonder what I could play with to make it better/easier – Give that a try – Mess it up – Rinse/Repeat until if FEELS amazing!
In this ride, I didn’t plan the perfect transition or correct every brace. I noticed. I asked. I let it get awkward. Sometimes, I slowed it down. I showed the horse what I wanted. I made suggestions about what I thought would be easier. And in those little messy moments—he figured it out.
When he offered a better canter transition, even if it wasn’t the one I thought I wanted, I changed my mind. I said thank you. I rewarded trying, not perfection. And that’s where the real shifts happen.
Why Messy Matters
We get told to “ride the horse you have today.” But do we ask the horse what horse they are today? Do we ask them what feels easiest or if they can do something? Do we even give ourselves permission to be the rider we are today? We’re not always our best and neither are our horses.
Letting the ride get messy for a bit doesn’t mean we’re doing it wrong. It means we’re making space for learning. For feedback. For a genuine conversation with our horse. Remember, it’s about communication, not control. The art of dressage is to give you a foundation of communication that you can build on.
Getting Comfortable with Letting Go
Letting go of control doesn’t mean letting go of standards. It means staying curious long enough to find a better path.
Control is a myth we cling to when we’re scared of being wrong. But progress doesn’t come from being right—it comes from being real.
If you’re feeling stuck, braced, or overwhelmed in your ride… maybe it’s not about pushing harder. Maybe it’s time to step back, listen more, and let the rhythm lead.
Summary
You don’t need to control every step to create progress.
Messy moments are where the learning happens.
Your horse isn’t resisting—they’re responding. What are they telling you?
Let go. Play. Wonder. Ask again. And when they try it – say YAY!
When it works—celebrate it, like get OFF and celebrate it!
If this resonates, go watch the episode “Control Is a Lie—So What’s the Plan Instead?” on Spotify or YouTube
Then come back and tell me:
What’s one thing that shifted when you stopped trying to control the ride?
Let’s keep learning. Together.
P.S. The end of the ride in the video is really funny 🤷🏻♀️🤣
