By Anna Fox | Equus Enlightened

This blog is based off of Episodes 1&2 of Season 2 of the Come Ride With Me Podcast: Letting Go of Perfectionism

Episode 1: The Problem with Perfection

Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting things to go right. It’s about tying your self-worth—and your horse’s value—to outcomes. To “correctness.” To control. You know that sneaky little voice whispering, “If I just ride better, everything will be fine. Except… you are riding better. And everything still feels not fine and too much like a grind. You started doing this to have fun, right? If your horse had a dollar for every time, you second-guessed yourself mid-transition, he could buy his own trailer and take himself on vacation. Let’s talk about how perfectionism creeps in, wreaks havoc, and keeps both of you stuck in a loop of frustration.

Let’s start with the big one: the grind of traditional dressage lessons. You know the drill—literally. Because perfectionism tells you if you didn’t get it right, you need to go again. And again. And again. But here’s the problem: traditional riding instruction has trained you to think this way.

Most lesson models are built around linear growth:

Start at Intro A, work up to Grand Prix.

Fix the mistakes. Progress to the next level.

Rinse, repeat, ribbon.

But let’s be honest: you’re not linear. Your horse isn’t linear. Progress doesn’t move in a straight line—it loops, spirals, retreats, and sometimes has the audacity to take naps. And yet we’re out here applying a factory-model mindset to a living, breathing, emotionally complex duo (you + your horse), expecting it to result in connection and flow? No wonder we’re burnt out.

That’s why this work—learning how to recognize and release perfectionism—isn’t just a mindset shift. It’s an adjunct modality, as we say in athletic training. You wouldn’t rehab a torn hamstring without addressing the underlying muscle imbalances, right? Same goes here.

Your riding can’t evolve if your mind is stuck in loops of shame, pressure, and unrealistic standards. And your horse? They’re probably begging for a rider who knows how to feel instead of force.

So, if your progress feels slower than you’d like…

If your horse is tense, inconsistent, or downright over it…

If you’re leaving the barn emotionally exhausted instead of inspired…

It’s not that you’re not working hard enough. It’s that you’ve been taught to work in a system that doesn’t leave room for your wholeness. Or your horse’s.

Let’s change that.

Episode 2: Start With an Experiment

In this episode, I introduce a simple but powerful riding experiment: becoming the passenger.

Here’s the idea:
You get on your horse.
You drop the reins (or soften them as much as you're comfortable).
And you just… let them go.

What?! Where?! How freaking fast?! Why?! Are the gates closed?!

Yep. That reaction right there? Exactly what I expected. (I’ve been there.) But it’s not the response I want for you. What I’m looking for is observation, not panic.

This isn’t about throwing the reins at your horse and hoping for the best.

It’s about giving them the opportunity to move without constant micromanagement and giving yourself the opportunityto feel what’s actually happening underneath you.

Because here’s the truth: If the idea of letting go sends your nervous system into a full-body meltdown, that’s not a personal flaw—it’s a clue. It means you’ve been trained to control instead of listen. It means you’ve been told that structure equals safety. And it means this little passenger experiment might just be the most important ride you take this year. You’re not giving up leadership. You’re learning how to lead with feel. And spoiler alert: your horse is going to love you for it.

You observe:
- Where does your horse go?
- Can you predict their next move without influencing it?
- Can you feel when they’re about to shift speed or direction?
- Can you sit back and trust?

This experiment is one of the best ways to rebuild feel, reduce anxiety, and offer your horse autonomy. It's also one of the fastest ways to realize how much control you're clinging to—and how unnecessary it might be.

And if the idea of letting go makes you nervous? Good. That’s where the learning starts.

From Control to Connection (aka, The Glorious Messy Middle)

If you’re gripping the reins, your thoughts, and your ribcage like your horse might bolt at any moment—or worse, like you might—this is for you. Letting go of control doesn’t mean letting go of leadership. It means loosening the death grip on an idea of “rightness” that’s keeping you stuck. It means embracing the messy, beautiful, wobbly middlewhere learning happens, where trust builds, and where your horse finally exhales because you finally did. Because real connection doesn’t come from doing it all right. It comes from being willing to stay in the conversation even when things go sideways (and let’s be honest, things always go sideways before they get better).

Here’s what lives on the other side of perfectionism:

✨ A horse who doesn’t brace every time you pick up a rein

✨ A body that doesn’t flinch every time you make a mistake

✨ A ride that feels like play—not performance

You don’t need to be a Zen master in the saddle. You just need to be willing to notice your patterns, name your fear, and try something different. And yes, I know that’s scary. But so is riding in a joyless loop of pressure and self-doubt. So maybe it’s time to stop chasing perfect and start riding for possible. Connection doesn’t happen when everything’s under control. It happens when you show up, fully present, a little messy, and still willing to say: “Let’s figure this out together.” Your horse will thank you.

And honestly, so will future you.

You don’t have to earn your worth in the arena. You don’t have to prove anything to your horse. You get to ride with joy.

Want to Know Where You Stand?

Take my free quiz: Are You a Perfectionist?
You'll get insight into your riding style—and a few ways to start loosening that mental grip.
👉 https://link.equusenlightened.com/widget/quiz/gSHHFApTgfne26EonbkF

Ready to go deeper? Join me for my in-person clinic:
Letting Go of Perfectionism: Finding Ease in Dressage for Horse and Rider
👉 https://clinics.equusenlightened.net/clinic-topics-2025

Until then—go ride like you love it.