Why Your Horse won't Try 

Why Your Horse Won’t Try Anymore: When Perfectionism Silences Learning

Have you ever wondered? Why won’t my horse try anymore?

They used to be curious. Willing. Eager to learn. Now they seem shut down, resistant, or maybe even explosive at the smallest mistake. Riders and trainers often start wondering if the horse is sore. They get some bodywork, check the saddle, see the vet, and sometimes you get little improvements with each modality, but nothing quite STICKS.

Unfortunately, I see this more often than I would like. Often, the problem isn’t a lazy horse, a disobedient horse, or one that’s in pain. It’s a system that’s trained the independent thought out of the horse—and trained the conversation out of us.

Let’s talk about why.

Autonomy Isn’t a Benefit. It’s a Learning Requirement.

If you’ve ever worked with kids, employees, or even your own inner perfectionist, you know that learning requires autonomy. Autonomy is the ability to make decisions and act without needing constant oversight. It’s the point where a being owns their process—and the results that come with it.

And, yes, your horse is capable. The real question is are you capable of giving it?

• ·      Horses are sentient problem-solvers. Studies show they can generalize, discriminate, retain information, and even communicate intent to humans.

•       They demonstrate frustration tolerance, decision making, and self-regulation when given a chance—not unlike human learners.

If you understand how a horse’s brain works, then you understand that agency isn’t just possible—it’s necessary for long-term retention and emotional well-being.

We need space to experiment. To get things wrong without being punished. To come back later and try again after a break. That’s how confidence builds. That’s how problem-solving develops. That’s how resilience is born. Horses aren’t any different.

When we micromanage every step, every rein aid, every “correction,” we aren’t helping them “get it right.” We’re robbing them of the very thing they need to learn: the chance to think for themselves.

Responsibility Builds Confidence

If your horse can’t decide without you, they’re not trained—they’re managed. You’ll burn out trying to manage everything and your horse will stop listening.

When we never give the horse responsibility—maintain gait, following a feel, or solving a problem—we don’t just keep them from making mistakes. We keep them from learning. From discovering they can figure things out. We rob them of the ability to know what is easier for them, what feels better in their body, and how to make themselves comfortable within the work.

• A horse that owns their movement is a horse with better self-carriage, rhythm, and relaxation—your half-halts suddenly work.

• A horse that solves problems is more adaptable, more confident, and less reactive in high-pressure environments like shows or clinics.

• A horse that participates has more internal motivation. You’ll spend less time fixing evasions and more time building fluency.

Obedience is fragile. Autonomy is robust. If I must control every step, I’m doing all the work. When my horse thinks with me, we work together.

In human learning, we understand the value of gradually increasing responsibility. A good teacher doesn’t just give answers—they guide the student toward their own discovery. Why should it be any different with your horse?

Perfectionism Isn’t Partnership

Here’s the hard truth: many perfectionist riders inadvertently create perfectionist horses. Not the kind that are precise and responsive—the kind that are anxious, defensive, and afraid to be wrong.

These horses don’t “misbehave” out of rebellion. They act out because they’re overwhelmed. They’re being corrected before they’ve had a chance to process. They’ve learned that guessing or offering anything unprompted often leads to more pressure, not praise.

• Autonomy isn’t chaos. It’s a structured invitation.

• Boundaries still exist. You’re not giving away leadership—you’re evolving it from command-and-control to conversation-and-response.

• The bravest thing a horse can do is offer a try, and that deserves to be built on—not shut down.

And guess what? Riders feel this way too. If you’ve been conditioned to believe you need to “get it right” the first time or risk failure, you probably feel the same frustration and tension your horse does. That frustration doesn’t lead to better performance—it leads to shut down. Or blowups. Or burnout.

Real Progress Requires a Two-Way Street

To reignite the try in your horse, you must be willing to release some control. That means giving them responsibility for the conversation, not just delivering cues and demanding answers. It means allowing for mistakes—not as something to be avoided, but as a necessary part of growth.

• Autonomy isn't chaos. It's a structured invitation.

• Boundaries still exist. You're not giving away leadership - you're evolving it from command and control to conversation-and-response. 

• The bravest thing a horse can do is offer a try, and that deserves to be built on - not shut down.

Final Thought: Respect Is Letting Go

If we say we love our horses—and I know you do—then we must start trusting them to participate in the process. Not just perform.

Autonomy, choice, and responsibility aren’t indulgent. They’re essential.

So, the next time your horse “won’t try,” ask yourself this:

Have I created the space for them to try at all?

Because when we stop correcting every attempt and start listening—when we stop demanding obedience and start inviting participation—that’s when our horses show up. And they bring their try with them.

If you want a horse that can carry you through the chaos of the world, start by teaching them how to carry themselves in the quiet.

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